Daily Archives: November 23, 2015

Hey there big world

Hey there big world
Hey there big world

Welcome back!

I’m still struggling to find my “voice” in all of this. It has been a very long time for me (3 or 4 years) since I was an active blogger, and I am still trying to get into writing and posting pictures and sharing more of what I do and who I am with the world. Since I don’t really SELL anything, and I’m not exactly an EXPERT on anything, I sometimes feel like I don’t have anything really relevant to say to anyone on the internets. But, I have a domain name and time (now that my youngest is getting older and likes to play by herself a bit more) so I figured, why the heck not?

Years ago almost all of my writing and creative works were online — I was an avid online Diarist. I wrote compulsively on sites such as Open Diary (now defunct) and then I branched off into my own websites and blogs.

But life got in the way.

First I had G (now 15)… and then I had P (now 12)… and then I went through a divorce from their father which took a lot of my “oomph” and self-confidence and left me feeling wordless. I took a few confidence bombs in my career, and for a bit there it just didn’t seem like I was going in the direction that I wanted to go.

And then I decided to turn things around.

I bought a condo on my own. I started applying to courses to try and get back into a field of study that was more interesting to me. I started dating again. I took my kids on our first (and so far ONLY) vacation to DisneyWorld. I moved in and got married to my current husband, and we blended our families. And then I had S (now 3)…

There has been a period of time since S was born where things reverted a bit to the “not so great” side of things. I got pretty sick with infection in my breast quite soon (7 days) after she was born and so our family had a rough start for the first 3 months while I recovered my strength. When she was 6 months my father passed away from complications of lung/bone cancer and diabetes which further depressed me. And off and on I have continued to struggle with panic attacks, anxiety and depression.

I felt that maybe, just maybe reaching out and writing about my life MIGHT help me now like it did way back in the day when I wrote out how I felt. Little by little I started to reach out to other people who were like me — people who journaled and created and wrote, who loved pens and ink and books and making a bloody mess doing it all. And I started to see that there were others out there who loved the things I loved and shared the things they shared, and were ACCEPTED for who they were.

So… I thought I would try blogging so I could share MORE about myself than just a picture snapshot of my journals. I thought I would create an online space for the things I love and that I realize that OTHER people love too…

So, without further ado…

Hi there! I’m Pam and I am a pen nerd and paper geek. I am a wife. I am a mother and a step mother. I work full time outside my home doing something that I like, but which doesn’t spark much passion in me. I love to create, but I’m a bit “eh” about cleaning up the mess afterwards. I have over 100 blank books, and always the desire to get more. Every time I see new pens — from the cheap ballpoints to expensive fountain pens — I itch to buy them and test them out. I love lists and pictures and writing and colour. I quilt, sew, embroider, and have been known to knit and crochet on occasion.

I am Canadian, and I hate snow (laugh). I am Pagan, but I am very quiet in my beliefs. I love to learn about different view points and religions, traditions and languages, but I hate being asked about my own (so other than me saying it here, I may not mention it often). I am of Irish/Scottish/German descent. I am actively learning Gaelige (Irish) and French. I have been doing Irish Céilí dancing for 6 years now.

I love coffee, and wine. I prefer red wine to white wine, but I will drink either if the mood strikes me. I love dark chocolate.

I spend my days working on MS Excel documents. I have 2 bachelor degrees — Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Bachelor of Commerce in Production/Operations Management — and I am seeking a way to get into a Masters of Commerce program (preferably in Project Management) so that I might someday move out of Administrative work. I love solving problems and analyzing data, but I am not terribly interested in doing the data entry part of it all…

So… that’s a bit about me… maybe someday I will learn a bit about you…