Hey there big world

Hey there big world
Hey there big world

Welcome back!

I’m still struggling to find my “voice” in all of this. It has been a very long time for me (3 or 4 years) since I was an active blogger, and I am still trying to get into writing and posting pictures and sharing more of what I do and who I am with the world. Since I don’t really SELL anything, and I’m not exactly an EXPERT on anything, I sometimes feel like I don’t have anything really relevant to say to anyone on the internets. But, I have a domain name and time (now that my youngest is getting older and likes to play by herself a bit more) so I figured, why the heck not?

Years ago almost all of my writing and creative works were online — I was an avid online Diarist. I wrote compulsively on sites such as Open Diary (now defunct) and then I branched off into my own websites and blogs.

But life got in the way.

First I had G (now 15)… and then I had P (now 12)… and then I went through a divorce from their father which took a lot of my “oomph” and self-confidence and left me feeling wordless. I took a few confidence bombs in my career, and for a bit there it just didn’t seem like I was going in the direction that I wanted to go.

And then I decided to turn things around.

I bought a condo on my own. I started applying to courses to try and get back into a field of study that was more interesting to me. I started dating again. I took my kids on our first (and so far ONLY) vacation to DisneyWorld. I moved in and got married to my current husband, and we blended our families. And then I had S (now 3)…

There has been a period of time since S was born where things reverted a bit to the “not so great” side of things. I got pretty sick with infection in my breast quite soon (7 days) after she was born and so our family had a rough start for the first 3 months while I recovered my strength. When she was 6 months my father passed away from complications of lung/bone cancer and diabetes which further depressed me. And off and on I have continued to struggle with panic attacks, anxiety and depression.

I felt that maybe, just maybe reaching out and writing about my life MIGHT help me now like it did way back in the day when I wrote out how I felt. Little by little I started to reach out to other people who were like me — people who journaled and created and wrote, who loved pens and ink and books and making a bloody mess doing it all. And I started to see that there were others out there who loved the things I loved and shared the things they shared, and were ACCEPTED for who they were.

So… I thought I would try blogging so I could share MORE about myself than just a picture snapshot of my journals. I thought I would create an online space for the things I love and that I realize that OTHER people love too…

So, without further ado…

Hi there! I’m Pam and I am a pen nerd and paper geek. I am a wife. I am a mother and a step mother. I work full time outside my home doing something that I like, but which doesn’t spark much passion in me. I love to create, but I’m a bit “eh” about cleaning up the mess afterwards. I have over 100 blank books, and always the desire to get more. Every time I see new pens — from the cheap ballpoints to expensive fountain pens — I itch to buy them and test them out. I love lists and pictures and writing and colour. I quilt, sew, embroider, and have been known to knit and crochet on occasion.

I am Canadian, and I hate snow (laugh). I am Pagan, but I am very quiet in my beliefs. I love to learn about different view points and religions, traditions and languages, but I hate being asked about my own (so other than me saying it here, I may not mention it often). I am of Irish/Scottish/German descent. I am actively learning Gaelige (Irish) and French. I have been doing Irish Céilí dancing for 6 years now.

I love coffee, and wine. I prefer red wine to white wine, but I will drink either if the mood strikes me. I love dark chocolate.

I spend my days working on MS Excel documents. I have 2 bachelor degrees — Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Bachelor of Commerce in Production/Operations Management — and I am seeking a way to get into a Masters of Commerce program (preferably in Project Management) so that I might someday move out of Administrative work. I love solving problems and analyzing data, but I am not terribly interested in doing the data entry part of it all…

So… that’s a bit about me… maybe someday I will learn a bit about you…

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